Day 25

03/31/11 - 25 days without sale

BUY A CONDO!

0740hrs. I don't want to go out into the field today. There's nothing out there for me. Nothing. I just want to sleep.

1327hrs. I'm supposed to be in the field today but since I'm afraid of rejection, I'm at home having coffee.

Nowhere to go. Nobody to meet. I wanna be sedated.

Ten points to people that got the reference.

Gather points and win my calling card.


But for the cause, I will go out into the field and find me some clients. I must do this. It is my duty. To the company. To my country (damned income tax). To the two dogs I have to feed. 

With some clever math, the price of a condo can look like the price of a condom.

Here's the breakdown.

---

Warning: Math ahead.

(All figures in US dollars unless otherwise stated)

70,000 dollars/15 years to pay = 4,667 dollars per year

4,667 dollars/12 months a year = 389 dollars per month

389 dollars/30 days in a month = 13 dollars per day

13 dollars/35 square meters = 40 cents per squar meter per day

(To the guy from Estonia that checked out the blog, I don't know if this is the right thing to say buy congratulations on the whole Eurozone thing earlier this year. Now I don't have to compute for kroon as well.)

Own a condo for as low as 40 cents!
Own a condo for as low as 50 (Singapore) cents!
Own a condo for as low as 28 euro cents!
Own a condo for as low as 18 (Philippine) pesos!
Own a condo for as low as 40 (Australian) cents!
Own a condo for as low as a 25 pence!

By having daily unprotected sex for the next 15 years, you too can own a condo!

A condom a day?

A condo for life.

Day 24

03/30/11 - 24 days without sale

Courtesy of Corbis

0700hrs. Gearing up for the dreaded 13 hour shift. It happened before and its gonna happen again. It's gonna be awful.

Got my payslip today. I was paid for 15 days of work.

03/30/11 - 15 days without sale.



0859hrs. Slow start. I made a Twitter.

http://twitter.com/VeryLongestHour

Follow me.

---

This

    space

        represents

             the

                 time

                     I'm

                         spending

                             at

                                 our

                                     little

                                         booth

                                             in

                                                 the

                                                     mall

---

1941hrs. Managed to wiggle out of the booth early. Gave out flyers non stop. I hope they call and buy condos.

Gonna be serious for a while because I need to let this out.

So yeah, breaking character.

If there's one thing that work in sales is supposed to teach you, its humility.

I was at the mall earlier being as friendly as possible handing out flyers to people that passed by. High energy. Trying to do the whole beacon of light thing in an otherwise sick and dark world.

Then I came to my last flyer. Make it count. I saw this middle aged lady in corporate looking attire. Well made up. Wearing pearl earrings. Looked to be with her youngest daughter. Looked to be in a bit of a hurry so I wouldn't be able to have a little chat with her. But walking at a moderate enough pace such that she would accept the flyer.

I smiled and handed her a flyer.

"And if you have any more questions, my number is right here."

I pointed to my number on the flyer.

You probably have a vague idea as to what's coming next but I'll recount anyway.

After handing out that last flyer, I went out for a smoke. I saw the lady on the other side of the waiting area. She still had the flyer in her hand. Then, as her ride approached, she took a nervous look around, dropped the flyer on the floor, and stepped into the car pretending that she hadn't just littered.

It was funny because she looked just as guilty as a guy in the elevator that farted trying to look cool.

Heartbreaking, yes.

But you win some, you lose some.

It was the only one of my flyers that wasn't thrown on the ground. That's a good thing. I took a quick peek into the garbage cans, no flyers in there. At least the rest of them made it out of the mall.

It just sucks that I happened to see my last flyer littered. At least have the decency to throw it in the trash. Let the flyer die with honor.

Oh well. Here's to hoping somebody picks it up off the ground and gives me a call.

Not gonna fall back into character anymore.

Ending on a serious note is cool sometimes.

Thanks so much for your time and I hope to hear from you soon.

Day 23

03/29/11 - 23 days without sale

Not me.
Courtesy of nswiki.net.

1117hrs. I'm starting to write this entry a little bit late today because the biggest boss of bosses [in this area (she still answers to a higher authority)] called for a meeting regarding our performance as a team. She says we suck. We suck really bad.

Apparently I lack confidence. I'm pretty confident. Look at me.

A full day stuck in the showroom awaits.

1550hrs. There's no privacy in this place. Twenty of us have to share five computers. So I bring my trusty laptop. But everybody uses it to check their facebook. I should install a keylogger to see what they type. Should be revealing.

Its hard to write with people looking over my shoulder.

Time to trudge through the internet and say that I'm prospecting. Hello readers. Want to buy a condo?

1736hrs. Idiots sitting next to me don't know how to google search. How to unblock an excel file. How to enable popups for google chrome. What color is an opal. How to make a word document landscpae. Its all on the internet. Searching for "how to unblock an excel file" will not lead you to a porn site. I promise.

I'm defacto tech support here.

Not bad for a liberal arts student.

1812hrs. Yeah. I'm still at the office. The boss is telling us to go the extra mile and stay beyond office hours in the hopes that somebody ends up walking in an taking a look around.

Then BAM! Closed.

Mr. Prospect won't know what hit him. Like a mortar to the nuts.

1900hrs. Home. Food. Tired.

2020hrs. Gonna prepare for what looks to be a 13 hour shift tomrorrow.

Good times.

Yeah.

Day 22

03/28/11 - 22 days without sale

WW1 soldier peering out into
no man's land
Courtesy of The Daily Mail.

0636hrs. I had a splitting headache last night and wasn't able to sleep until sunrise-ish. Let's see how well I do with an hour and a half of sleep.

0725hrs. On my second cup of coffee for the morning. I'll probably have another one when I get to work. Coffee is the breakfast of heroes from the free world. Tea is also pretty good. Can't forget the brave men and women over in Great Britain. And the folks over in Hong Kong where apparently they have their tea iced. Can't forget them.

你好! 我唔識講廣東話. Really. I don't.

As per the advice of sales guru Tom Hopkins, I looked in the mirror and said to myself, "I will close a sale today because I am a great salesman! Nothing and nobody is gonna bring me down!"

I'm getting fat.

0943hrs. I think youtube may have been blocked by the bosses over here. Now what am I supposed to do at the office? I tried to post an ad on an online classifieds page. It was denied. When the internet says no to you, you know that something is wrong. Its almost like being a salesperson is tantamount to being a people repellent. I will try to smell better tomorrow.

1445hrs. Client came in. Particularly stressful. Don't want to talk about it. Not the venue for angry rants. That's what talking to my dogs is for.

Out for a smoke.

1525hrs. I want to go home.

1613hrs. The boss kicking me out of the office. Apparently I should be in the field. What do I do with nowhere to go? A lot of my prospecting is done on the internet or over the cellphone. Maybe I should consider the whole punching somebody in the face thing. That seems viable. Or I could hang out at a coffee shop and watch people walk by.

1726hrs. Home.

So tired.

Falling aslee

Day 21

03/27/11 - 21 days without sale

Not my boss

I called the boss today asking a question about the building.

The boss tried to sell me a condo.

Well, that's what the answer sounded like.

This was in response to a question a prospect asked me. Over the phone. Yes, I got a call.

On a Sunday.

A Sunday.

A hazard of the job, I guess.

An email came in from a company I sent a proposal to. Another no.

I have an error in the numbers. One in ten respond with a smile. One in 2000 actually show interest.

Damn the numbers.

Damn the numbers to hell.

I feel myself digging a deeper and deeper hole every day.

(breaking character) 
Shoutout on the anon that left a comment on day 17. I'm actually having fun with my job and I'd like to think doing I'm ok with saturation, working on pipelines, building relationships, etc... Getting in touch with old friends and catching up. That and talking to all sorts of interesting people with a different story to tell is awesome. I actually wouldn't mind doing this for some time. Yeah, I think I've found a little niche in the corporate world that I actually enjoy. Its like every day is a whole new adventure. I was just out of it that one day, and this little blog was born. I'm having fun writing it so might as well continue. That being said, thanks so much for the words of encouragement. I'll keep what you said in mind and if ever I have another bad day, I'll check back to that comment. Yay! First comment!

(back in character)
Damn this life.

Day 20

03/26/11 - 20 days without sale

The Normandy landing on Jun 16, 1944.
Courtesy of britannica.com.
(Not the beach I'm going to)

...and 15 days after completion of basic training. If we close a sale a within a few weeks after training, we get free stuff. I want to get free stuff.

0700hrs. Its a Saturday and we're supposed to show up in the showroom. We're also encouraged to do Sundays. Weekends no longer feel like weekends. The week doesn't feel like a week. It's just a blob of time.

Natural law theory says something about how human beings need one day of rest a week in order to function as proper human beings. But we aren't human beings.

We are salespeople.

I want to go to the beach.

0835hrs. Memo came in from the boss. Internet use is restricted to work related activity. If worst comes to worst, I'm posting these from home. We aren't allowed Youtube anymore. We also have to fill up forms telling them exactly where we were during the week. I guess (insert name of reputable development company here at your convenience) is trying to get their money's worth.

My ad in the classifieds came out today. Nobody's calling.

Nobody's been answering my emails.

Nothing really going on in the office.

I should go to the beach.

1300 hrs.  Going to the beach.

Day 19

03/25/11 - 19 days without sale

21 million people died from 1914 - 1918
Photo courtesy of the BBC

0714hrs. I'm not gonna be showing anybody around the showroom today. Should I even consider taking a shower? With all this concern over the environment, I should be saving water. Tempting.

But I suppose I should shower. I still do have that naive hope that somebody will walk in, I'll be there to assist, that person will pay in cash, kaching. The earth can wait. The world of sales moves much faster.


 0852hrs. We're deployed in the field today. I shouldn't have showered.

I wasn't able to get my morning walk. This day isn't going to be too productive, I don't think.

The comedian guy from the other team is listening to big band jazz. He either closed a sale or got laid last night. They say closing your first deal is a high that keeps sales people addicted to being sales people. Its a sniper's first kill. A surgeon's first appendectomy. A lawyer's first win.

This must be why our 30 or so year old regional head looks like she's pushing 50.

I wonder if I'll ever have that kind of success one day.

Looking for leads isn't as easy as its cut out to be. The first stage in a sale is prospecting. Its tough. So damned tough. The folks higher up the ranks tell me that it gets easier once there's interest in what you're trying to sell. But getting to that point is hell. Finding the people interested.

People love to buy but hate being sold to.

My line ad still hasn't come out. I will follow it up.

The emails I send seem to be smashing against brick walls.

I still feel a little uncomfortable emailing people I don't know trying to sell them 90 cubic meters of pre-sold air.

I'm eagerly awaiting the day that I'm so desensitized that I will feel comfortable punching a random person in the face and proceed to giving him/her my business card and proceed to selling a condo.

That's when I know I'm successful. That I've made it. That's when I can loudly proclaim to the world "I am a proud employee of (insert namae of reputable development company here at your convenience)! I will kick your dog in the nuts and then proceed to sell you a condo!.

When that glorious day comes, it will be a day full of glory.

Many dogs will lose the ability to procreate and I will be rich.

1132hrs. Hungry.

No.

Not hungry for a sale. I just want to eat. Italian food sounds good right about now. Or maybe some lamb from a Greek taverna type thing Or Chinese.

Chinese it is.

1450hrs. Gonna follow up my line ad. That should take me until 5. But first some coffee.

1508hrs. Yeah. Two hours should just about do it.

Day 18

03/24/11 - 18 days without sale

Courtesy of the University of Illinois

I checked the morning paper and my line ad hasn't come out yet. I'll just have to follow it up. Though I don't think it will do very much. Unless I have it run forever. Let's see if I can pull that off.

Just before 0800hrs and I'm the 4th person at the office. One of the maintenence people, the security guard, and a girl that looks like she went to sleep here.

Good morning.



Checked our team lead's desk. A number of noteworthy things. Our team is way behind in sales. Two for married girl and one for girl that affectionately calls everyone "gay friend". The other teams are actually doing really well. Lucky them. Also, we're in the field today. Which means I don't really get to do anything. Write emails to people and hope they respond.

Cast your net wide, they say.

"BUY FROM ME! 20% downpayment and the rest will be paid via bank loan."

Rather, invest with my assistance and 20% initial investment. Because "buy" and "downpayment" are such harsh words.

Here's how it looks.

"Good afternoon Ms. (insert name here at your convenience), my name is #0019 and I would like you to consider and investment in our condominium units. With an initial investment of 20% and the remaining 80% financed though one of our partner banks, we can assure low interest rates and we can guarantee your unit will be turned over to you in the first quarter of 2014. We are, after all, supported by (insert namae of reputable development company here at your convenience)."

Friends.
Family.
Friends of friends.
Friends of friends of friends of acquaintances.
Maybe someone will bite.

"I'm trying, ma'am. I really am. I'm doing the whole wordsmith of a generation thing we were taught at training."

I believe in the product. Investment in a condo is a good thing. We will save the universe.

1330hrs. Got back in from lunch. Its hot outside.

The folks over at (insert name of reputable development company here at your convenience) are making us sign forms informing them where we go when we head out into the field. A lot of my prospecting is done on the internet but the internet here is so slow. That and I wrote and sent all my emails from home last night. I didn't get much sleep.

Working on trying to get my fliers left at one of the local coffee shops. It can all be done via cellphone.

I'll tell team lead I'm meeting the owner of the coffee shop.

My ticket out of here.

1430hrs. Over and out.

#0019

Addendum: It started raining. Shit.

Day 17

03/23/11 - 17 days without sale

Courtesy of the Daily Mail

My 13 hour shift last Saturday counts for nothing.

Today I begin writing my memoirs. Though I was deployed over 2 weeks ago, I only decided to start writing now. I was stupid then. Running on adrenaline and the promise of the beginnings of a fruitful career. Seventeen days in, nothing.



We are docked at the showroom today and nothing seems to be happening. Nobody really walking in and asking around. Brokers are manning the booth in the mall.

The rest of the team are either out preparing to collect their commissions, out on client calls, or bumming in the back room. I have been assigned the duty of entertaining the first walk in client. Its been 7 hours and the only person that came in was somebody that bought from a different developer. She wanted to look at our interiors because she wasn't happy with the finish of the other guys.

I asked for referrals.

Because we're in-house, I had assumed that we were going to receive preferential treatment from the company. But the brokers get the same exposure that we do. They can throw around their money more than we can. They get larger commissions.

All we get are calling cards.

Team lead expects us to submit new names every week but the pipelines have dried up.

One in every ten people show interest. Damn the numbers.

Damn the numbers.

I was able to score a line ad in one of the newspapers today. But one in ten still applies.

1700hrs. I should be going home. But our work hours are prescribed work hours more than they are actual work hours and my conscience is killing me for wanting to head out of here. If I go, I forgo any walk ins that may walk in after work.

1725hrs. Fuck it. Headed home.

#0019

Introductions

I am #0019.

I sell condos.

Are you?